Family..How I Miss It

For 24 years and 6 months of my life, I was in the protective cocoon of my home and family. Around 3 weeks back my life took a dramatic turn and I landed in the US, all alone without any family member. That is when I realized the true meaning and importance of having your family close to you.

Don't get me wrong, I have always immensely loved and respected my family. However, there are quite a few things that I had taken for granted all these years. Also, there were things that I had become so accustomed to that I did not realize how much I will miss them. Small and trivial things, such as sitting  in my room and listening to my mom watching soap operas in her room, having silly fights with my sister, those 15 minute chatting sessions with my dad after he came home at 10.30 PM, Sunday dinners with everyone, my mom hugging me for no reason once in a while, etc. Also, there are so many chores that I never had to worry about when I was at home, such as washing the clothes, making my bed, breakfast/lunch/dinner, etc. Then there was the unconditional love you get from your parents, siblings and grandparents. I think there is no other place in this world where a person can be loved so truly and completely, and accepted with all of his/her imperfections, except your own home.

There were so many times when during arguments/fights with my parents, I would say to them, "I will be better off staying alone with no one to interfere in my life!" I admit how wrong I was. I now understand that it was their interference in my life that made it so smooth.I really miss those instructions that I received from my parents, all those advisories about where to go, when to be back home, what to do and what not to do, how to go about a problem, etc. In short, I miss their constant interference in my day to day life.

Probably for the first time in my life, I am independent and completely on my own, and that also in a country like the US. It sounds really exciting and fun, but for me it's not. It is hard surviving on your own with no one for moral support. It's hard knowing that no one is waiting for you at home and coming back to an empty house. It's hard not having your near and dear ones with you to discuss your feelings, your fears, and your apprehensions with. But it's the hardest just being away from your family!

I feel extremely lonely and scared. In the past few days, all I have been thinking about is whether I made the right decision by coming here to do my MBA and spending such a humongous amount of money. Will I be able to survive in such a competitive MBA program and get a good internship/job? How will I be able to live without my family for so long?

I don't know where life will take me and what will become of me. I guess I will figure out as I go along.

Signing Off,
Aastha

Belling the C.A.T....

As is very apparent from the title, I just gave my CAT. For the uninitiated, full-form of CAT is Common Admission Test, and it is an entrance examination for India's most prestigious B-schools (IIMs, FMS, and other private colleges). I gave this test once again on 18 November 2011, exactly after 3 years and 2 days (last time being 16 November, 2008). Now, I am sure you all must be wondering why did I wait for 2 years before appearing for CAT once again. Following is my list of reasons (in brief):

1. Just as I had done during my Engineering entrance exams, I had sort of made this declaration that I would be giving CAT only once. If I got through the first time, well and good, and if not, then its the end.
2. I dreamed about going to the US, to a prestigious B-school and doing MBA from there.
3. I did not have a sword with the word MARRIAGE hanging on top of my head.
4. I was not super frustrated with my job (as I am now), and hence, not desperate enough to get into a Masters course.

So, I did not get an admission in the US despite wasting around 1 lakh rupees and one whole year. On top of that, I got an ultimatum from my family that if I did not secure an admission in a Masters course this time, then there'll be no more chances for me, and they'll marry me off. Therefore, I gave CAT!

To "prepare" for the exam, I got a leave of—hold your breath—full THREE DAYS from my office!! (Unlike my friends who got three to four weeks off). Well, I had started some amount of studying for the last two to three months, but it was more of a formality and an eyewash. Anyway, so I was at home for the last week, studying intensely. Now, the deal with my folks at home is that they are equally (if possible then more) involved in my studies and examinations, as myself. This led to quite a few funny instances and questions when I was at home. I have categorized them into Before CAT and After CAT.

Before CAT


1. Whenever I used to give a MOCK test, there used to be pin drop silence at my house. My grandparents did not allow anyone to speak for 2.5 hours, so that I do not get disturbed. That's a different thing that they used to repeat the same dialogue in full volume to any person who entered the house :) Also, when I used to complete the test and emerge from my room, everyone used to pounce on me and start asking several questions. For instance, How was the exam? Did you know all the questions? Did you clear the cut-off in both the sections? What was your percentile? What was the difficulty level? etc etc etc. It was like I just gave the actual test and everything depended on it.

2. Two days before the exam, questions regarding my "level of preparation" started popping up. So, my dad asks me, "Have you completed the syllabus? Do you remember everything?" After that my mom puts a very analytical question, "So, when you compare your preparation level this time with your level of preparation in 2008, is it more, less or equivalent?" My response to this was, "Let me explain it to you mathematically. Compare 10 months of intense studying + 100s of Mock tests + regular coaching classes with 10 days of simple preparation + around 20 Mocks, so what do you get, make a calculated guess!" Also, everyone started telling me, "Give it your best shot. Do the best you can in the exam." I am thinking, "Obviously I'll do my best. That's the whole point, right? I won't go into the exam hall thinking I'll give my worst!!"


3. On the eve of the exam, my folks got into an inspirational mode and started quoting famous writers (Hindi, English and Urdu) and wherever I went, I got to hear inspirational quotes. Then, on the D-day my dad suddenly got filmy, and started mouthing Shahrukh Khan's famous 70 minutes dialogue from Chak De India. He said, "You have 140 minutes with you. Nobody can steal them from you. Give the test your best shot. You are free to do whatever you like in these 140 minutes, because these will never come back." I was thinking, "WOW!! That's something new :)"


After CAT


1. When the exam finished, the standard question was, "How did it go?" My standard answer was, "I did the best I could. I don't know after that." I gave this answer so many times in the one hour after the test, that I actually felt like recording it and just keep on playing in front of anyone and everyone I met.

2. A few people were satisfied with my answer to the above questions, but not all of them. My grandad, for instance, analyzes each and every test till great depths. To be quite frank, I get quite nervous discussing any exam with him, because I know the type of cross-questioning involved. Here is my interview with him regarding CAT:

G (Grandad): How did your exam go?
M (Me): It was fine. I did the best I could do.
G: What kind of an answer is this. How many questions were there?
M: 60 questions in total. 30 in each section.
G: So, you attempted all of them?
M: No, it is not possible to attempt all the questions. I did around 40-42 questions.
G: What? Why so less? Is the exam difficult?
M: Yes, very difficult. This attempt is considered good.
G: So, how many marks will you get?
M: I really don't know.
G: You should know that. OK, so what percentile are you expecting?
M: I can't calculate the percentile. It's a very complex process.
G: How, explain it to me...and so on.

Well, I know all of this shows mt family's concern for me, and to be frank, it's all very cute :) But, sometimes these serious situations also turn unintentionally funny! :) :) :)

So, all you CAT givers, have you faced such situations in your life too? Do let me know the details.

Signing Out,
Trying to Bell the CAT