Is LOVE Real?

I had initially thought of writing a post recounting my experience of a recent trip to Thailand. I had even drafted a rough post in my mind. But, I changed my mind at the last minute. So, here's a post which is probably the most serious and thoughtful one I have ever written.

For the last 2-3 weeks, most of my conversations with friends have started or ended with the topics love, commitment, heartbreak, crush or girlfriends/boyfriends. Also, everywhere I look, I see people either in a committed relationship and looking towards marriage, or trying to work out a long distance relationship and missing their partners, or people desperately searching for love, or people suffering from one-sided love and trying to come to terms with their feelings.

Then, a few days ago one of my very close friends in office asked me, "Have you ever been in love or a in a relationship?" I replied, "No." When he asked my why, I told him that I never found anyone. I also declared that I was happily and willingly single. After that we moved on to other topics. However, somewhere in my mind his question kept nagging me and as I thought about it more and more, I became quite confused, and my inner turmoil grew. This one question had led to numerous other questions in my mind.

The first question I have is: What is LOVE?


I have been around many couples who claim they are deeply in love with each, have seen hundreds of romantic movies—both Hindi and English—and romance is my favorite genre, have heard (and still enjoy listening to) thousands of romantic songs, and have read many many romantic novels (Mills and Boon, Harlequin, etc.) thanks to a friend in college who sent me a link to a large collection of free Mills and Boon e-books (I still read these books for pure fun and time pass, whenever I feel bored.). Despite all this, I have never been able to understand love. I would like to clarify so many things about it.
1. Is love instant, like love at first sight, or does love grow gradually between two people?
2. Can two complete strangers fall in love (as we see in movies and read in books), or is it necessary for two people to know each other before they fall in love (like Shahrukh Khan says in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, "Love is friendship. If a girl cannot be my best friend, then I can never love her.")?
3. How does one realize that the other person is the love of his/her life? Do you just know, or is there some special sign?
4. Does love necessarily involve a physical relationship, or can two people in love have a platonic relationship?
5. Also, can two people be in a physical relationship without being in love with each other? - I would like to explain the root of this question. Well, as I mentioned above, I have read numerous contemporary romance novels over the last 3-4 years. The one thing I found common in it was that a man and woman met each other and felt a sudden physical chemistry. They lusted after each other and after some avoidance and hesitation ended up having sex. This happened mostly mid way through the book. However, they did not fall in love and proclaim their love to each other till the last or second last page of the book. So, I always wondered, how can two people have a purely sexual relationship without any emotions?

The second question which I have is: What does it feel like to be in LOVE?


Maybe because I haven't experienced this feeling ever, I am ignorant, and hence, asking this question. But I have always wanted to know that what happens to a person when he/she falls in love with someone that it alters his/her personality completely. A perfectly logical and rational human being suddenly starts behaving in foolish and crazy ways. I have observed people's priorities change, outlook towards life change, relationship with others change and several different changes. So, just like my first big questions, I would like to understand some things here too.
1. When a person falls in love, do all the other things, like family, friends, career, etc., take a back seat and only that one person becomes the number one priority?
2. Does being in love mean that you keep constant tabs on your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/fiance and give him/her an update about everything that you have done in a day or are doing at that very instant, including something as trivial as watching TV?
3. Does being in love make you totally unaware of your surroundings and your life revolves around that one special person in your life?
4. Does it become difficult to spend even one minute or second apart from each other, and your thoughts are constantly crowded only by him/her?
5. Does loving your partner feel the same like loving your parents, siblings and family, so much that life without him/her is unthinkable and unimaginable?
6. Does love make you forgiving and you are ready to forgive anything wrong your partner has done? Does being in love make you strong enough to forgive something as serious as infidelity?
7. Does being in love leaves you at the mercy of only one person, so much that you are willing to do absolutely anything, go to any lengths, to make that person your own, or have him/her love you back?
8. If a person can fall in love, then can he/she fall out of love too, or is he/she is bound to love only one person for the rest of his/her life, irrespective of the fact that he/she may not receive that same love in return?
9. Does being in love give you the strength to fight all the superficial barriers of caste, religion, age, traditions, rituals, etc., which the society has put up?
10. Is love a strength or a weakness?

My very last question is more for myself and I cannot seem to find an answer for it: Can I see myself falling in love with someone and feeling this powerful emotion?
Some days back, a colleague in office did a psychological test on me. After the test she told me that I am ready for a commitment, that I am ready to take the plunge and not wary of it. Also, I was told by someone once long back that I am a very passionate person and when I fall in love, it will be a very passionate relationship and I would give myself completely to it, so much that I would not care about the world, society, my family, or anyone else.
However, when I think about it, I feel differently. Somehow, I cannot see myself loving someone so intensely. I might be wrong, but this is my personal opinion. All my life I have been friends with so many guys that I have lost count. But I have never ever felt anything other than a friendly liking for any of them. So, I am totally clueless in this matter.

If you have answers to any of the questions I asked above, then do give them to me. It would help me to understand this emotion much better.

Signing Off,
Clueless about Love