DISCLAIMER: This post is not meant to offend anyone in any way. It's a humorous post and should be taken in a lighter vein.
This post is not about any of the topics mentioned in the title. In fact, this post is about a person who is my colleague, and also a friend. These 3 subjects are an integral part of her existence. Whenever she opens her mouth, all a person hears is something pertaining to either her relatives' kids, or what all shopping she did over the weekend, or maybe how to make a certain vegetable.
My college friends know that I really love to talk. I have the ability to chat for hours non-stop. During college days my whole group used have long and lively discussions about movies, books, politics, religion and so much more. But, back then too there were a few topics that were forbidden territory, and it was nothing less than sacrilege to even bring up subjects like children or recipes in a discussion. So, when I heard the female in question talk endlessly about these things, for once I really had nothing to say.
Here is a sneak peek at my routine lunch time: At 12:45 pm sharp 'the one who must not be named' comes to my work station to call me for lunch. By the way, I have told her hundreds of times that I won't go for lunch before 1:15 pm, but I think that she has some ear-mind co-ordination problem. The reason why I say this is because she hears everything I say, but somehow her brain fails process this information. For example, she asks me my Project Lead's name everyday at least thrice (no, I am not exaggerating), and forgets it almost immediately. Anyway, moving on. So, I send her away and ask her to come later. Then, at 1:15 we move to the cafeteria. We heat our food and then sit down to eat. As soon as we are seated, she starts with her "discussion". The only problem is that it's totally one way. I sit mutely, while she blabbers on continuously. Here is a sample conversation:
She says," Pata hai kal mere mama ke bacchon ne kya kiya ?? blah blah.. ( Do u know what did my uncle's kids do yesterday?..)
My thoughts: "How the hell would I know what they did. I was not at your uncle's place spying on them, and frankly I care a damn. Neither do I know your uncle nor do I know the kids !!!"
My response: " No, yaar what happened?", and then she goes on about the kids.
Next topic:
She tells us," Tumhe pata hai ki meri mami roz subah uthh kar subzi banaati hai, phir woh gym jaati hain, uske baad nashta banaati hain etc. etc. Aaj unhone Kele (banana) ke kofte bannaye hain. Uski recipe hai..blah...blah...blah"
My thoughts:"WTF !!! where am I stuck ?? God please save me !! I am not interested in learning to make friggin kela koftas, nor am I interested in your aunt's daily routine..@#@###&&& !!!"
My response:"Wow yaar, she's an efficient lady."
Third topic:
She says,"Weekend kaisa tha tumhara ?"
My answer," It was fine."
Then I make the mistake of asking her about her weekend. Here's what she has to say," Maine toh bahut kuch kiya. Saturday ko main shopping gayi. Wahaan, maine yeh khareeda, yeh khaaya, yeh kiya..."
My thoughts: "Another 15 minutes gone..:( Damn you girl !!! what the bloody hell is wrong with you !!! Can't you act like a normal person for once. Just shut up and let me have lunch in peace !!!"
Now, from what I have written it seems that she is some middle aged married female. But, the truth is that she is just 1 year elder to me and holds an MBA degree (from a college that I haven't even heard of). Well, if this is what an MBA does to a person, then I am surely having second thoughts about going for it..:)
I guess I will learn to live with gibberish. Who knows, maybe the next time I meet my friends I start my conversation somewhat like this: "Pata hai kal meri mummy ne tinda banaya tha. Uski recipe hai......."..:-D
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
DELHI METRO COMES TO NOIDA.. :-)
As all of us are aware that the Delhi Metro started its services to NOIDA on Friday, the 13th. So, I want to write something about it. You all must be wondering as to why am I writing about somethig that has been covered extensively by all the newspapers and news channels. Also, this blog is supposed to be about my daily office life and routine, then how does the metro fit in here?? Before I proceed, let me inform all of you that my office is located in NOIDA, and the metro train that goes there is the one that passes through the station which is very close to my house ( I know it's a complicated sentence, but I hope you get my point ). Basically, the metro is really beneficial for me.
So, when the metro started its operations to Noida, I was really Excited !! In fact, my family was even more thrilled than I was ( mainly because I would not be hijacking the car everyday and leaving them CAR-LESS). Over the weekend, my family and I told everyone this good news.My folks went out and proclaimed that I am the metro's lucky charm and wherever I go, the metro follows. You must be curious to know that how exactly did they come to this weird conclusion, right ??
Well, here's the thing: When I joined NSIT in 2005, the metro line to Dwarka had not started, and traveling to and from the college was a real pain. I used to travel in blue line buses everyday. It was horrible and really miserable. Then one fine day, the metro people saw my plight and suffering, and they felt sorry for me. Hence, they decided to start the metro up til Dwarka. Therefore, within 4 months of my joining NSIT, the metro line to Dwarka opened and the ride to college and home became convenient and fast.
Now, when I started coming to office I used to drive to Noida everyday. As I have mentioned in my previous post, driving on that route is 30 Kms. of pure misery and torture. I came to office by car for 1 whole month, and everyday I suffered more. So, what happened is that these metro people once again realized that I am in trouble and I need a convenient mode of transport, and that also soon. All the metro officials must have had a high profile meeting to discuss this major problem. After the meeting they must have instructed the employees to work faster. As a result of this, the metro route that was supposed to start sometime in December, 2009, started on Friday i.e. 13th November, 2009.
By now, all of you must have realized that Delhi metro and I have a very special connection. It's actually true that wherever I go the metro will eventually come.
P.S: What is the experience of traveling in the metro on this route will be described in my next post.
So, when the metro started its operations to Noida, I was really Excited !! In fact, my family was even more thrilled than I was ( mainly because I would not be hijacking the car everyday and leaving them CAR-LESS). Over the weekend, my family and I told everyone this good news.My folks went out and proclaimed that I am the metro's lucky charm and wherever I go, the metro follows. You must be curious to know that how exactly did they come to this weird conclusion, right ??
Well, here's the thing: When I joined NSIT in 2005, the metro line to Dwarka had not started, and traveling to and from the college was a real pain. I used to travel in blue line buses everyday. It was horrible and really miserable. Then one fine day, the metro people saw my plight and suffering, and they felt sorry for me. Hence, they decided to start the metro up til Dwarka. Therefore, within 4 months of my joining NSIT, the metro line to Dwarka opened and the ride to college and home became convenient and fast.
Now, when I started coming to office I used to drive to Noida everyday. As I have mentioned in my previous post, driving on that route is 30 Kms. of pure misery and torture. I came to office by car for 1 whole month, and everyday I suffered more. So, what happened is that these metro people once again realized that I am in trouble and I need a convenient mode of transport, and that also soon. All the metro officials must have had a high profile meeting to discuss this major problem. After the meeting they must have instructed the employees to work faster. As a result of this, the metro route that was supposed to start sometime in December, 2009, started on Friday i.e. 13th November, 2009.
By now, all of you must have realized that Delhi metro and I have a very special connection. It's actually true that wherever I go the metro will eventually come.
P.S: What is the experience of traveling in the metro on this route will be described in my next post.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
MOUSE IN THE HOUSE
First of all, my apologies to everyone for not updating the blog more frequently. The past few weeks at office have been pretty uninteresting, with trainings and exercises taking up all the time. However, a weird thing happened at office on Friday, the 13th. Well it was not anything tragic or unlucky ( as you all might have thought after reading the day and the date ). In fact, it was one of the most hilarious and memorable incident for each one of us at the office.
This Friday was also like any other normal Friday morning. I woke up in the morning and the first thought that came to my mind was TGIF !!! So, I got ready earlier than usual. Surprisingly, I am always excited to reach office ASAP on Fridays..:) Well, I left home at 7:50 am, wishing and hoping that I beat the Delhi traffic and reach Noida by 8:30 am. So, I drove 30 Km., all the while yelling at and abusing anyone and everyone who came in front of my car. Finally, I made it to my office building and rushed up to my office and punched the card. While punching the card I glanced at my watch, 8:37 am. DAMN !! I cursed under my breath, now I won't be able to get out at 6:00 pm. See, my workplace has a policy that each employee must spend nine and a half hours in office everyday. So, by that calculation I would be able to start for home at 6:07 pm only. Anyone who travels on that route is aware that even 5 minutes make a hell lot of difference in the amount of traffic one encounters on the way. After catching my breath and cooling off my anger I started working. Here I would like to mention that my workstation is close to the Cafeteria.
Everyone was engrossed in their work when suddenly there was a loud shriek from the cafeteria. Before anyone could understand the reason for the shouting there were a few more shouts from that direction and people started running around. At that moment I saw a big, fat and gray coloured mouse running out of the cafeteria and into the main office. Behind the mouse were 5 of our office boys, each of them holding a special weapon for it. One of the boys had a dustbin in his hands, another one was holding a broom, the third one had a polythene with him and the other two were following the mouse wherever it went. All of us in present in the office started running helter-skelter, some of us were actually scared while the others were just having fun. The girls started standing on chairs, tables, basically any elevated place they could find. The guys, on the other hand took out their mobiles and digicams (yeah, people in my office keep digicams in their drawers) and started shooting the chase. It looked like a scene straight out of a hindi news channel, probably Aaj Tak or India TV, and I could almost hear the correspondents shouting on top of their lungs: Yeh dekhiye ek anokha nazaara !!! Iss office mein ghuss aaya hai ek chuha jisne yahhan ke logon ki zindagi mein uthal-puthal kar di hai !!!
Lekin, kya yeh ek maamuli chuha hai, yaa doosri duniya se aaya hua aliens ka bheja hua ek jasoos hai jo dharti pe base insaano ke raaz jaanane aaya hai !!! (ok, I confess I have had an overdose of these alien programs on TV)
For the next half an hour this ugly and fat mouse created havoc in the office. After every 20 seconds there used be a shout from a new corner of the office and the whole mouse catching army (including the photographers) would rush to that place, only to find nothing there. Ultimately, all the employees had dustbins in their hands and waited with baited breath for that creature to cross their workstation. Finally, after much running around and burning of calories by all the people, the mouse was caught with great difficulty. After being caught it was displayed by the catcher as if it was a prized possession.
The office resumed its work after sometime but the mouse sure taught me a few lessons. First, who says my office doesn't have recreational facilities ? We don't even need treadmills to run on in order to lose weight. Second, never make fun of someone else's workplace. A few days before this incident happened, my mom was cribbing about the presence of rats in her school. At that time I mocked her and said," This is the state of Govt. schools. Yuck !! Look at my office, you can't even find an ant there. It's so clean and hygienic."
Lastly, teamwork is a value instilled within all the employees of my office. Whether it's solving a major work related problem or catching a little mouse, everyone's always ready to help one another.
This Friday was also like any other normal Friday morning. I woke up in the morning and the first thought that came to my mind was TGIF !!! So, I got ready earlier than usual. Surprisingly, I am always excited to reach office ASAP on Fridays..:) Well, I left home at 7:50 am, wishing and hoping that I beat the Delhi traffic and reach Noida by 8:30 am. So, I drove 30 Km., all the while yelling at and abusing anyone and everyone who came in front of my car. Finally, I made it to my office building and rushed up to my office and punched the card. While punching the card I glanced at my watch, 8:37 am. DAMN !! I cursed under my breath, now I won't be able to get out at 6:00 pm. See, my workplace has a policy that each employee must spend nine and a half hours in office everyday. So, by that calculation I would be able to start for home at 6:07 pm only. Anyone who travels on that route is aware that even 5 minutes make a hell lot of difference in the amount of traffic one encounters on the way. After catching my breath and cooling off my anger I started working. Here I would like to mention that my workstation is close to the Cafeteria.
Everyone was engrossed in their work when suddenly there was a loud shriek from the cafeteria. Before anyone could understand the reason for the shouting there were a few more shouts from that direction and people started running around. At that moment I saw a big, fat and gray coloured mouse running out of the cafeteria and into the main office. Behind the mouse were 5 of our office boys, each of them holding a special weapon for it. One of the boys had a dustbin in his hands, another one was holding a broom, the third one had a polythene with him and the other two were following the mouse wherever it went. All of us in present in the office started running helter-skelter, some of us were actually scared while the others were just having fun. The girls started standing on chairs, tables, basically any elevated place they could find. The guys, on the other hand took out their mobiles and digicams (yeah, people in my office keep digicams in their drawers) and started shooting the chase. It looked like a scene straight out of a hindi news channel, probably Aaj Tak or India TV, and I could almost hear the correspondents shouting on top of their lungs: Yeh dekhiye ek anokha nazaara !!! Iss office mein ghuss aaya hai ek chuha jisne yahhan ke logon ki zindagi mein uthal-puthal kar di hai !!!
Lekin, kya yeh ek maamuli chuha hai, yaa doosri duniya se aaya hua aliens ka bheja hua ek jasoos hai jo dharti pe base insaano ke raaz jaanane aaya hai !!! (ok, I confess I have had an overdose of these alien programs on TV)
For the next half an hour this ugly and fat mouse created havoc in the office. After every 20 seconds there used be a shout from a new corner of the office and the whole mouse catching army (including the photographers) would rush to that place, only to find nothing there. Ultimately, all the employees had dustbins in their hands and waited with baited breath for that creature to cross their workstation. Finally, after much running around and burning of calories by all the people, the mouse was caught with great difficulty. After being caught it was displayed by the catcher as if it was a prized possession.
The office resumed its work after sometime but the mouse sure taught me a few lessons. First, who says my office doesn't have recreational facilities ? We don't even need treadmills to run on in order to lose weight. Second, never make fun of someone else's workplace. A few days before this incident happened, my mom was cribbing about the presence of rats in her school. At that time I mocked her and said," This is the state of Govt. schools. Yuck !! Look at my office, you can't even find an ant there. It's so clean and hygienic."
Lastly, teamwork is a value instilled within all the employees of my office. Whether it's solving a major work related problem or catching a little mouse, everyone's always ready to help one another.
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